Sometimes I wonder why I try.

I am honestly trying to be positive but truthfully there is little to report.

I so wanted to see my little girl in The Pirates of Penzance last night. I saw half. I planned something special for today. I organised everything as well as I could. Fail.

I need a break. Will I ever manage one? Right now it feels like it will never happen.

Oh well hopefully things will be better one day.

Where does time go?

Honestly I meant to post on a regular basis. At least then I would have a diary of some sorts of this crazy time.

Honestly though the days blend. We live pretty much by routine. The stability fuels dad's life and he is better for it. Some days are fun filled though. Today has had two big laughs. Dad would like to go to the Ekka. This is a big agricultural show which I think is similar to an American state fair. Dad has mobility issues so I agreed if he would use a wheel chair. Now this is NOT on. One of the arguments was that his helper would soon become very tired. I told him when that happened he could push me. He laughed for the longest time and then we went over the same story several more times. Tonight his beloved cup of tea kept disappearing. In the end we all had to giggle. He would find his tea and then come and tell us and promptly forget where the tea was.

We are also in school musical season. This year it is The Pirates of Penzance. My youngest is enjoying being a pirate. She is so girly so to see her with fake beard and mo is so enjoyable. Everyone is looking forward to earlier nights though. Burning the candle at both ends is tiring to say the least.

So that is an insight into life right now. When the youngest comes home we will be all sleeping well while the cool weather lasts. Night everyone.

Such a peaceful day

Oh how I love quietly productive days. The girls are back at school and university. This means there is far less noise in the house. As I have a hearing loss, I enjoy the lack of music and television during the day. Dad was having a very good day too and this meant that I caught up on simple things like the laundry. We even had time to walk to the shop and buy some of dad's favourite fruit.

The peaceful atmosphere continued into the evening. My youngest normally argues her way out of homework. For the second night running she has settled in and done her tasks. The threat of being thrown out of the school musical seems to have hit home. It is so difficult when I am forced to be the "mean mummy" but in reality her behaviour etc has to be dealt with. A little tough love is needed sometimes.

I am so thankful for a wonderful day.

Where does time go?

I haven't written in a while. Nothing exciting has happened. Each day seems to echo the last. So rather than bore everyone I am being quiet. I then looked here and thought so many days have slipped by and yet none of them are news worthy really. My world is small. However my family has kept me busy.

Miss now 18 had a party for her birthday. It was themed on Harry Potter. Everyone had a great time. But organising everything was huge. Miss 18 has high expectations and worked hard for this effort. I loved seeing the now young adults in their costumes. Many wore parts of their old school uniforms and some costumes showed huge amounts of efforts and creativity. My favourite was a walking, talking sorting hat.

We are also headed for school musical and the next two weeks are going to drive me nuts.

So I guess life isn't as dull as I perceive it.

Hopefully everyone is managing a few smiles and laughs every day.

Recovering my dreams

I am trying to keep certain things private but somewhere along the way I have totally lost my dreams. It feels sad. There is little that makes me want to explore anymore. I am wondering if signing up for the Latin classes is the right step. Only a few more days until I find out. Somehow, some way I am going to find that special part of me again.

Crafting was something I always made time for and now so much of it is joyless. Because I am a starter and not a finisher I am trying to be a bit stricter with myself. So now I am finding half done stitcheries and knitted items needing to be finished. I must count how many socks are in need of a mate!

But for now I have to remind myself that this is the season of caring for dad. It is time for keeping him well and safe. Hopefully we can keep him home for as long as he would like. Alzheimer's is not what I would wish on anyone. Most of the time dad is a picture of courage and grace. I thank God for that as it makes looking after him easier and a definite pleasure.

Improving

Life has been different today. My girls have been working on a project for Miss B's 18th. They have had so much fun with scrapbooking papers, glitter, scissors and glue. A fairy castle album has begun to appear out of their efforts. One week until Miss B is 18 and she is making her own guest book. I also managed to send some yarn stash on the way to somewhere useful. I need to do more of that. There is nowhere to store our belongings and while I cannot force others to downsize I can change my attitude and work hard on letting stuff go.

Enjoy your day. I am about to snuggle down and celebrate the blessed cool of a subtropical winter.

Better day

I am beating this illness. I am pleased about that. However dad's respite unit does not want this bug so today we took him to a seaside town. I bought some yarn. Mum bought yarn, needles and patchwork fabric. We had sushi for our lunch. Late in the afternoon we had a very breezy snack of tea or coffee with fresh fruit. I had put the crockpot on before we left. It was great to come home to a warm meal. After a few days at home it was so wonderful to be in the fresh air and by the water.

However I think I have lost the plot. I bought a skein of Noro yarn. It is Silk Garden and the colours are so pretty. The sensible part of me cannot believe how much I handed over for one ball. I don't think I will make socks out of it. It feels thick and course to me. I am going to have to research how this stuff washes.

Not serene today

I am ill and feel so cranky. To my shame I have lost my temper several times today and once or twice quite badly. I managed to get some routine stuff done and went to the Department of Transport twice. They know how to make you wait until bits of you are beyond numb.

Later today my children really understood how badly I was feeling. The girls helped me strip and remake their grandmother's bed. It is a rotten job and a heavy one too. My son is training as a chef and he cooked us a quick dinner. My evening was fair easier than my morning.

Early to bed with a long rest may help but I think I actually need to see my doctor.

End of whinge and whine.

Most of the day wasted

My ex has been avoiding somethings for a long time now. Today's trip to the Federal courts was a waste of time and money. Oh well. In two months we shall do it all again.

Other than that it has been a quiet day. It is heading for ten pm. My son is quietly trying to teach himself to play the electric guitar. I am glad to say he is being most respectful of our eardrums and has the amp down very low. The girls are being teenage girls.

The nicest thing is that my boy brought me a bouquet of flowers he had picked himself. So thoughtful.

A test for my serenity goal

Tomorrow I go to court about several "matters" with my ex. It is long and involved and not pleasant. This afternoon I learned he has complicated things and tomorrow will not be the event my lawyer and I have planned and prepared to face.

So now to seek slumber after some quiet time with my Bible and to face the morning.

My weekend

Time has just flown this weekend. The highlight for me has been enrolling in a beginner's Latin class. At high school I was forced to learn Japanese. What a struggle. There was no interest. I wanted to learn French but someone else decided for me. I was a girl and you did as you were told. So I found a pamphlet for the University of the Third Age, asked some questions and even though I am younger than their target group I have been welcomed. I wonder how I will progress? I was hopeless at the other language and tried for three long years. My eldest daughter has asked to join too and we will be doing this together. My miss will run rings round me for sure. She has done three years French immersion, attended school in Geneva for two months and is now studying French at University. Miss wants to learn Latin as she is keenly interested in the Romance languages and this is a great way to explore this option. It is certainly cheaper than attending classes at her uni. Now she will know if this is worth pursuing.

Other than that we spend Saturday celebrating my mother's 70th birthday. We had a girly luncheon party and the only male was dad. He is so used to this. It was a riotous celebration. It needed to be. Too many in the group have faced severe illness and the loss of their spouse in the last year or two. Instead we enjoyed ourselves and focussed on the better things. In the evening four of the five grandchildren were here. There was a simple but laughter filled evening with their grandparents.

A down side was yarn shopping. There are few independents in my sub tropical city. One of the department stores advertised 30% off. So my girls and I headed into the city centre. I wanted to buy a pretty notebook for my new studies and also thought I would stock up on yarn. We arrived at the store to find a notice that yarns were not included in the sale. Oh well I have a stash and a half and could probably craft for a decade or so before making a dent.

Okay today was not a quiet day. But I have managed to remain fairly calm. I used to teach in special ed and that has certainly helped me with my day to day existence. No one would have ever known that our family could produce so many autistic children in this generation. I helped out a cousin today and am very tired now. Her son is a challenge but absolutely delightful and her daughter is a cuddly sweet little thing.

This week as brought a new challenge as my cousin's daughter asked me to show her how to knit. We had a little trip to a shop and brought some yarn and needles. Later that day the lessons began. Today the little miss proudly showed me her work. Sure there are holes and the stitch count had trebled but it was precious beyond belief. Her beloved grandmother is so ill and needs so much from her mother and even though everyone is busy, her knitting has progressed.

My daughters are not interested in handwork. Yet I was given a chance to share a skill and have the knowledge that these skills can be of interest to a new generation.

I think the deliberate choice to try and remain serene is beginning to work. Why oh why did I not learn about this in my youth? Hopefully my children will not have to struggle as long as I did. It shames when I think back and recall the times when I reacted as those in my past did. Oh well life certainly presents many challenges and opportunities to practice serenity.

Time to stop the silence

I started this blog with wonderful intentions. A few days later my whole world imploded and for the next two years was far from serene.

However I have learned and grown so much. For now I am trying to take each day as it comes. There is so much to be thankful about but I have the horrible habit of being a pessimist. Slowly but surely I am changing the half empty to a half full attitude.